Who Am I To Judge?

It's been too long since I have blogged.  Life has been moving along at such an amazing clip and I need to slow down a bit.  We have had a lot going on.  Our youngest had a tonsillectomy about a month ago and at the same time our son got very sick.  Thankfully, our youngest is all recovered and our son seems to be better as well.  Tomorrow our 7 year old daughter goes for ear surgery.  She has Otosclerosis.  Her left ear is the worst and she can barely hear out of it.  So, tomorrow they will be giving her a prosthetic in her ear.  They say eventually she will need to have her other ear done as well, but I'm believing she won't need it.

We have such an amazing little family!  Each one of our children has his or her own special gifts and talents.  We love watching each one grow.  Over the last year we have started on a new journey with our son.  He is a very smart and loving child.  We have been amazed at our son's ability to learn new things, his incredible vocabulary, his love for LEGO's and the creativity that is expressed there.  Over the years we have faced many challenges with him.  We have heard phrases such as, "He is spoiled", "He is strong willed and you need to break that will of his.", "He needs more discipline.", "He is very whiny.", "You need to get more firm with him.", etc.  These are all hard things to hear from people, especially when you are doing what you think is the right thing.  Last year, our son's teachers approached my husband at school and suggested we have him tested.  I have known for years that our son was "different"(the tantrums, the whining, the arguing, the food aversions, his sensory overload issues, his constant movement, his facial tics, his overwhelming sense of fairness, etc) and when we tried to ask questions about his issues at school in the past, we were told that he is just immature and he'd grow out of it.  As he has gotten older, his lack of social skills are becoming more evident.  We have two other children that are for the most part, very well behaved and don't have the same issues our son has.  So, we know that what we have been doing is not the cause of our son's differences in his view of life.  A few weeks ago, we met with the district diagnostician and we heard the words Autism Spectrum Disorder and Asperger's Syndrome.  Hearing this sent me into a grieving process of sorts, but at the same time gave me a sense of relief.  The team that is working with our son is made up of seven people who are extensively trained in Autism.  Our son is in the final process of the testing period and we find out for sure what his diagnosis is by the Thanksgiving holiday.  As we wait to hear, two things go through our heads.  One is that maybe he is just highly gifted and he is very quirky.  Then the other is that he does have Asperger's and now everything is a bit clearer as to why things have been the way they have been.  Some may wonder why we want to "label" him.  It is not about the label, its the help he will receive, that we will receive and for those teachers that come in contact with our son, to have a better understanding of how to teach him.  Every parent dreams of their child and how they will grow up to do great things.  I am realizing that this diagnosis does not change that for our son, its just that it will look slightly different than we had envisioned.  His intelligence will be a great benefit for our son.  He has expressed since he was four years old that he wants to be an engineer, although the type of engineer has changed over the years.  As of right now, he wants to be an Architectural Engineer.   His love for LEGO's has helped him in this choice of career I am sure.

One thing I have gained from this whole process is who am I to judge others?  I remember times of walking out to the car in a parking lot and seeing a child in hysterics as the parent was trying to get their child put in their seat and immediately thinking, "Wow, that child needs a spanking!".  Now when I see the same thing, I feel for that parent and know the struggle, embarrassment and pain they are enduring and wonder if that child is dealing with autism.  Even if they are not, that parent does not deserve our judgement(even if the child is spoiled and just wants their way).  We, as parents, have endured the judgement, the passing comments, the humiliation.  As the one who is going through it on this side, I have also learned to not judge those who judge.  So many people have no understanding and may never understand and I am okay with this.  We know that our son is ours, that he is in our family for a reason and God gave us the tools to mold him, teach him and send him out and we don't need to worry about what others are thinking.  Our son is learning.  It takes  time for him, but when he gets it and understands it, he doesn't forget.  We love our son and want the very best for him as well as our other children.

I am so thankful for our children!  We have been blessed in many ways, watching them grow and learn.  We pray continually for wisdom in how to train our kids and we have a wonderful community who support us in this journey!  One other thing I have learned through this process is that we cannot do this alone.  God did not create us to be alone!  Community is so very important.  Thank you to all who have stood by us and supported us and continue to do so!